It's that time of year again.
It's no coincidence that the emoji update tends to land right in the middle of Scorpio season,Moans of a Blossomed Sister in law the thirstiest time of year. Everyone knows that there is nothing you can type that conveys the timbre of your thirst like a well-selected emoji. (Or a poorly selected one, for that matter, but let's not talk about all the ones with tongues while we're trying to keep things sexy.)
So let us give thanks for the newest crop of tiny pictures that mean things, because some of the things that they can mean are sex things! With a little imagination, almost any emoji can have horny overtones — but these are the contenders who deserve a shot next time you're shooting yours.
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Everyone in a tux
woman in tux emoji Credit: emojipedia Literally everyone looks hot in a tuxedo. Girls, guys, people who are neither of those things. Everyone. And with the updated, gender-inclusive tux emoji, that's who can wear one in Emojiland. Text this to me and I'm on my way to take it off you.
"Pinched fingers"
pinch fisting emoji Credit: EMOJIPEDIA While this will certainly serve its purpose in a number of "chef's kiss" and Italian-accented-emphasis formulations, this is also the official emoji of fisting. I don't make the rules. I'm just letting you know.
People hugging
people hugging emoji Credit: EMOJIPEDIA There's no aphrodisiac like a social taboo, and hugging has been very much off the cards for most of this year. Look at that arm placement. That looks like a REALLY good hug. I'm seeing solid chest pressing, and there are only three visible hands. WHERE IS THE FOURTH HAND? I'll let you draw your own conclusions.
Plus, these blue-skinned people are clearly naked. This is absolute filth. Shocked it got past the Unicode Consortium.
This saucy seal
seal emoji Credit: EMOJIPEDIA "Oh, hello! I didn't see you there. I was just hanging out naked, as seals do, one coy flipper draped artfully across my curves, my mischievous expression both open and yet suggestive of a delicious secret. Anyway. u up?"
Fondue
fondue emoji Credit: EMOJIPEDIA Two forks, one cup. It's well past time for fondue to become sexy again, but to me, there's already nothing sexier than a big bowl of liquid cheese.
Also, when else are you going to use this?
Wood
wood emoji Credit: EMOJIPEDIA If you need me to explain this to you, you are too young to be sexting.
Rock
rock emoji Credit: EMOJIPEDIA Again, not hard to figure out.
Knot
knot rope emoji Credit: EMOJIPEDIA One for the shibari enthusiasts out there — or anyone looking to dabble in a little rope play.
Bucket
bucket emoji Credit: EMOJIPEDIA We already have a mop, and we all know what those are for.
Beaver
BEAVER EMOJI Credit: EMOJIPEDIA Look, you can. But you shouldn't.
