As Republican Senators craft their version of the AHCA bill -- better known as Trumpcare -- in secrecy,Complete Series Archives the waiting can be frustrating.
The Democrats don't know what's in it. The White House doesn't know what's in it. Even the House GOP, which passed its own version of the AHCA earlier this year, doesn't know what's in it.
And that has House GOP staffers reaching for strained metaphors, like this one unearthed by a reporter for the conservative Independent Journal Review:
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To which we say: wait, what?
First of all, that knock on Disney. Has this staffer even seen the two movies released since Disney bought Lucasfilm in 2012? The Force Awakensand Rogue One? They were, you know, kind of well-reviewed, with 92% and 85% on Rotten Tomatoes respectively.
Also, if you're comparing the Senate bill to Disney-era Star Wars, that means the House bill is the prequels -- and we're not sure you really want to go there.
Star Wars is just in another galaxy far, far away from the legislative abomination known as the AHCA. Star Wars movies are crafted with care and love over a three-year period; the result delights millions of children and inner children.
The AHCA, on the other hand, was slapped together in a matter of weeks. Far from delighting anyone, it will (at last count) throw at least 23 million people off the health care rolls and leave anyone with a pre-existing condition as untouchable as a Tatooine moisture farmer.
With under 30% support in the polls, trailing in blue and red states alike, Trumpcare is even less popular than Attack of the Clones. You could pass a bill mandating that every primary care physician has to talk like Jar Jar Binks and it would be more of a vote-winner than this. (If you like your Gungan, you can keep your Gungan.)
One part of Star Wars is applicable here, at least. The absolute secrecy in which this bill is being crafted -- the Senate reportedly has not seen a bill rammed through like this, without hearings, since Pearl Harbor -- makes it a dead ringer for the Death Star and its giant battle station successors.
The original Death Star would have caused outrage in the Senate had its existence been known during construction, so the Emperor kept it a secret until he was ready to disband the Senate. It was only the brave squad led by Jyn Erso that brought DS-1's existence to light by stealing the plans. (Felicity Jones, we have another mission for you.)
The second Death Star was deliberately designed to look half-finished and shoddy -- just like Trumpcare. Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell's only hope of passing it is if the American people don't realize the bill is armed and fully operational.
And then there's Starkiller Base from The Force Awakens, the existence of which was perhaps the weakest aspect of Disney-era Star Wars. It was revealed halfway through the film with no foreshadowing, then killed millions of unsuspecting people.
The parallels to Trumpcare are obvious, except for this: Star Wars is fiction. No one actually died filming it. If this total turkey of a bill goes into wide release, the results will be far, far more dangerous than sitting through a stiff story with poor CGI.
Help us, moderate GOP senators. You're our only hope.
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